Saturday, March 19, 2016

Honoring Your Marriage After Pregnancy Loss

Something I feel passionate in writing about is honoring your marriage and fostering your relationship after pregnancy loss.  My caveat is this: I am not a marriage expert. Nor am I a counselor or trained professional of any kind. But we are a couple who have gone through multiple pregnancy losses together. (At various stages of pregnancy and very different types and causes of loss.) I wanted to share what has worked for Dan & me.  Not every couple is the same nor is every situation, but these are things that were important for us.

1.) Recognize that you may grieve differently.  That you may have bonded with the child at different levels or in different ways.  Don't expect him to react the same way that you are and don't accuse him of not grieving. Dan allowed me to cry, to fall to pieces, and talk and share the details very publically (not every loss, but many of them).  It is not how he would do it but he understands that that is what grief looks like for me.  Find a way to grieve together.

2.) Don't put a time limit on grieving.  Dan gives me time to grieve the loss (there is often more than one thing you have "lost" in this situation) and does not pressure me to get back to normal or "feel better" faster.  The timeline is different for each person but it definitely does not go away as fast as other think it should.