Our Special Needs Journey:Part 14 - Control: Learning to Give it to God

I like to be in control. I must know what comes next and I live by my calendar. I love it. I'd save it from a burning building - yes, my paper calendar is precious to me. It is a great struggle for me that so many things are out of my control at present. Not just the little things but some pretty major things too. I thrive under structure but am living in chaos (although, it's a beautiful mess, my chaos).

At present I don't know where we will live in a few months. In fact, I do not even know WHEN we will move because this is determined by when and IF our short sale is approved, followed by what home is available to rent at that time with a landlord that will accept our madness and chaos and allow us to be tenants.

I cannot control the majority of medical issues my family is facing. Sure, I can take certain steps, like bringing Taylor to the sleep clinic and having an overnight study done. I can follow a routine every night to encourage good sleep hygiene. I can turn off lights and restrict screen usage after dinner. I can buy her medinces and remind her to use her inhaler and nasal spray before bed. I cannot control the outcome and quality of her sleep. (I am trying very very hard, however, to control my response her cranky-pants-sleep-deprived-bad-attitude.)

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom Week - Snacks, Crafts, Activities, Sensory Play, and Spelling Fun!

In an effort to bring some excitement back into eating for us we are having themed snack times! Each week we've chosen different books (pretty much little kid books to involve the younger kids more and keep them engaged) and the older girls planned snacks and activities to go with each book.

  

Our first theme week was Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, not just because it is one of Dean's favorites (mine too!!), but because it was the book for my Advisory meeting this month and I was in charge of decorations. So 2 birds, one stone...

Throughout the week we ate:

-Alphabet shaped fries/tots

-Bourbon CHICKen nuggets

-Boom Chicka Pop brand popcorn

-Dried coconut (we get big bags at Costco because this stuff is FABULOUS)

-Alphabet shortbread cookies

-Scrabble Cheez-Its (letters on them)

-Fuze flavored water in banana pina colada 

-Fudge dipped coconut Oreos

-Coconut wafer cookies

-Target brand fruit snacks with the alphabet letters on them

-Coconut milk sorbet served in coconut shells (Costco find, these are soooo good)

-Homemade Alphabetties (think: Spaghettios)

-Apple slices with caramel and peanut butter (Chicka Chicka 123 has apple trees)

-Post Alpha-bits cereal, alone or on a peanut butter slathered celery stick

Our Foreclosure Journey: Part 4 - Humiliation

I feel like I'm in a fishbowl. Dozens of cars have driven by our home veerrryyy slowly (sometimes stopping and taking pictures, often the same car will drive by multiple times). I've lowered the blinds on the giant living room window, but that just makes the room darker.  I'm a fan of bright rooms. Oh, and 11 showings before 3:00 and breastfeeding an overtired, gymnurstics-addicted toddler do not make a good combo.

So in a day (JUST ONE DAY) I've gone from months of thinking we were simply walking away from our home (giving me time to sort, organize, and pack) to having it on the market. Just like that. A phone call, a few documents signed with an agent, and the next day people are showing up in droves. Yes, it is the BEST case scenario but having people see my chaos is so humiliating.

Despite trying to educate ourselves on this whole foreclosure process, we had some incomplete and conflicting info. In an effort to eradicate the 2nd mortgage and avoid having our wages garnished we are listing the home as an as-is short sale. While I understood this meant people would be traipsing through our home, while we are here (way too difficult to get the pets and kids and PCAs out each showing), I did not know it would begin the very next morning.

I've been up all night working on, among other things, paperwork needed for the short sale -- our city inspection is not even till Monday. I'm attempting to write my hardship letter and gather all documentation needed. I was caught completely off-guard at 7 am, in my PJs, folding laundry and scrubbing the toilet, to get a call regarding a showing at 8 am. (Now I am procrastinating by writing this blog post.)

The type of buyer for our home does not need to see a clean home, staged, without clutter, freshly painted, and free of chaotic children and animals. STILL - it is HUMILIATING at a level I'm not comfortable with to have several strangers see the messy daily life of my home. I am working all the time to keep up with laundry and dishes, to organize the exceptional messes the kids create (there was poop in the bathtub this morning from Dean's bath last night. I had no idea because someone else was in charge during that time.) and make our home nice.

And here are strangers seeing the natural state - where every imperfection is relevant. To have purchased our home for $230,000 (in 2003 - height of the market) and find today it is listed for less than $125,000 is a bit heartbreaking. (I know all the reasons WHY, it is still a bummer.) To be told "it has great potential" is difficult to hear.  I live here. This is my HOME.  It has been for over 10 years. I work my ass off to provide a bright, fun, and as-clean-as-I-can-physically-manage home for my family. Yet the value of this home is shit-cheap. Awesome. That feels great. My self-esteem is at an all time high for sure (insert huge eye roll here).

Up to this point I have been embarrassed over our "situation" but felt in control of my emotions because I know God is in charge and this is His plan for us (we felt peace about that). Today, my pride is taking a hit. Humiliation is at an all time high. There is my home - listed online as a foreclosure. (It also says my roof is really old but we replaced it less than six months ago...) I can't defend myself or tell our story. I must simply accept this truth about our financial situation. I still trust that God is in charge of my life - I AM human, however, and allowed to feel like a loser.

I likely won't see these people ever again. They see homes like this all the time (rehabbers, realtors, etc.). They walk through the home in its entirety in less than 5 minutes. It is for the benefit of the best possible outcome based on where we are now. And yet - each person that comes to the door causes me to throw up in my mouth a little.

My home, which is personal and precious to me, is a slab of wood to gut and recreate to someone else. We are not real people with real struggles, we are losers who could not honor our commitment to the bank to pay a loan. Should I take it personal? NO - and as much as I know that intellectually, my heart hurts. So does my stomach, all this stress is not really helping the pain.

So there is no real purpose to this post, outside of venting. Sometimes the stress of all that I need to do is more than I can cope with. So I'm complaining as a survival mechanism. That is all.

Autism is not... What the Bible has to say about Autism

4/2/15 I wrote this last year, on Autism Awareness Day.  It has been a long year since then and I have some thoughts to prelude this post with:


"Awareness" is bittersweet. All this awareness has made autism a familiar word. That fact does NOT make people any more INFORMED about what it is - or how it impacts lives. People are now so familiar with this word they undervalue the significance it has on those with autism and their loved ones.

I've heard "Oh, at least it's JUST autism," "they are so high-functioning," "she doesn't look disabled," or "they are working on fixing that," and, most often, "Your parenting is enabling your kids, they don't actually have a REAL disability." These things take away from the truths my family deals with daily. It takes all the focus away from how hard my children work to meet the standards we have set for ourselves.  Although I have high expectations for my children, that must be balanced with accepting their LIMITATIONS. 

Those with Autism are more than a label.  So while I respect the concept of an Autism Awareness Month I hope we are able to learn something real and tangible to take away from all that.  

There are many REAL ways to support autism - to give them the tools they  need to achieve their goals while allowing them to be exactly who they already are. So if Autism Awareness means education, then I am all for it. 

Here are great ways to support people with autism and their families: Love them. Just as they are. Accept the grocery store tantrums and the rigidity in playtime, and the meltdowns over "painful" clothing due to sensory issues. Hug them - for my children a good squeeze hug is the best medicine of all. Take their mom out to coffee (trust me, she needs it almost as much as she needs a nap). Have them over for a playdate even if your kid does think they are a bit strange. 

Talk to your friends who have autism (or parent someone who does) as if they are no different than you.  And when they desperately want to say "I'm so different and it can be difficult" then talk about that too. Because that can be hard for us to say. We are a fickle breed.  

--- Original Post: April 2, 2014 ---

Autism is not a badge of honor. It is not a contest ("my child is more disabled than your child"). It is not a burden. Autism is not an "overdiagnosed" or "fictitious" disorder. It was not "created by the medical community to sell more drugs." It is not an "excuse for bad parenting." It is not merely a label. It is not one size fits all. It does not define someone. It is not a disease needing a cure.

As is typical of me, this will be far too long. I have far too much to say. I envy the ability to be pithy and simple, to say much with little. But as an "Autism Mom" here is what I want you to know:

Today is Autism Awareness Day. I am passionate about learning, understanding, and celebrating the differences that make a person on the spectrum so unique and so special.  But as I sat to write something that could put into words what I want others to know, I was stumped. 

It is in part because I need more awareness.  I want to understand my children and use that to be empowered as a parent to give them everything they need to succeed.  When I say success I am not trying to conform them to the definition the world uses.  I only intend to teach them to love God above all else and to love themselves as well, just as they are. Just as I desire to be loved for who I am, not what I am capable of or what I may achieve.