As much as I'm miserable & uncomfortable, I'm trying to savor these last weeks of pregnancy. I will never be pregnant again. While I will NOT miss the anxiety, weight gain, daily injections, extreme nausea, back and pelvic pain, engorgement, etc. I WILL miss this season of life. I look forward to the next season, of course, but I am suddenly acutely aware that this is the last time I will have a newborn baby.
Pregnancy has been such a major part of my life for 16 years. It honestly has defined who I am. I never had a transition period from child to adult - I went straight from being a Junior in High School to being a Mother. My entire course in life was defined by a pregnancy. I DEEPLY love my husband and children but I'm not sure I would have married my high school boyfriend if I had not been pregnant at 16. I'm glad for that path my life took but it WAS a direct result of pregnancy.
Over the past 16 years I have either been pregnant, recovering from pregnancy, trying to GET pregnant, or mourning a pregnancy loss. I am who I am BECAUSE I am a mother. Because I've lost 11 babies. Because of the difficult nature of my pregnancies.
It was due to a very scary pregnancy with my 3rd child, Dean, that we made the choice for me to become a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. I was on bedrest for 5 months and we discovered we COULD, in fact, live on one income if we really wanted to make the needed sacrifices.
Losing babies changed how I parent, how I view relationships, my mental health and anxiety, even how my marriage operates. It strengthened my faith, my marriage, and even many friendships.
So you can see that while I am ready to get this baby out and we have peace about permanent birth control, it is bittersweet that this pregnancy is coming to an end.
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